Ugly, poor and single

There was that famous line from Animal House that "fat, drunk and stupid' is no way to go through life. Well, let me tell you that ugly, poor and single might be worse. Yes, this is somewhat cynical, yes this is somewhat mean-spirited. After all, to write this, I have to refer to someone as ugly.

Fear not all, the someone I refer to is none other than yours truly. Oh sure, I would love to pretend that when women see me, they swoon and fall down as their panties magically end up on a headboard. But, guess what, that just has no basis in reality. Besides, it doesn't really matter anymore.

The reason I thought about the concept, though, was as an ancillary tangential thought as I wrote yesterday's topic "Fifty Shades of Irony?" There was a time when I was single. And that time was brutal.

Now, to be somewhat fair, hey, I have been a powerlifter for quite some time. I often described my build as a 'linebacker' build. I was honest and open about this and never feared whether others liked the way I looked. Who cares right? Wrong. As a single man, everyone cared. Complicating matters even more was my financial life. I have a degree and I worked very hard to get that degree; graduated top ten percent of my class. At the same time I entered my senior year, however, my first wife and I (guess that gives away part of this story) were struggling. She left. I was slated to graduate in June of 1994 and head off to Ohio to go to grad school. Until she decided she no longer wanted to be my wife.

This would have been of little consequence, save for the presence of a five-year old and two-year old. Yes, my sons. And that changed everything. I gave up the dream of working for a Major League Baseball team and stayed in Eugene. I loved the town, but it was not a very good spot to start a career; there just was not a lot of income to be made.

Fast forward three years and I had attempted to reconcile with my now ex-wife. We moved back in together in a Portland suburb. That was, of course, a doomed effort from the beginning. I had given up on more career opportunities than I could count, but was able to make ends meet and still have a little left over to take my children to do fun stuff once in a while.

While there was not much money, I was coaching my boys in youth sports and had the pleasure of watching them grow into fine young men. When I hit that dating market again after the requisite time to wallow in my own self-pity, everything had changed. Dating was an internet thing.

The problem? Everyone lied. I mean everyone. You never knew what you were getting into until that first date. There were a lot of first dates. Not many second dates. The whole thing was far too superficial.

I was honest. I used a real picture (not a glamor shot) and was honest about pretty much everything; including my income. You know what I found? Women in the digital age were just as superficial as before.

It is underhanded, but I checked things out just to see if I was imagining things or not. So I took my photo and all my regular answers to the bio questions, but changed one small answer; income. Man, as soon as I put "Over 100K" as income; messages came flooding in like the dam had just broken up river.

Want to know what else could get attention? A well found picture. A male model who allowed me to test the response of my answers, with an income of "less than $15,000" to HIS picture. No surprise. Same response as the over $100,000 bio.

Is every woman that superficial? Of course not. But man was that a lesson in dating during the digital age.

I eventually met my current wife (2004) and am grateful; but she was like a last gasp effort.

What does any of this have to do with writing? Nothing. Just thoughts on life. But it struck me that maybe the phenomenon that is the upcoming movie would have fared considerably worse had the "hero" of the book been a poor schmuck just working hard and barely able to afford his bills. Would women have wanted to read that story? Somehow, I doubt it, and isn't that sad yet telling? We haven't gone anywhere in the last 10 years. Still superficial. And still caught up in all the wrong messages.

Being a misogynist is not okay regardless of how much money you make. The glorification of misogyny is also not okay. We should be appalled by the characters in 'that book' but we are not. By condoning this behavior, we glorify all that is wrong in the world.